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Breck Eisner's "The Crazies"


 Review by Anthony Barnes


Modern horror movies are in really bad shape today, what with the endless remakes(Friday the 13th, Halloween, and coming soon A Nightmare on Elm Street) and pointless sequels like the "Saw" franchise, which seems to go on and on with no end in sight. 'The Crazies" belongs in the first category of endless remakes.  It was an equally bad movie when George Romero directed it the first time and they should have just left it with that.  With that being said here we go.

The film takes place in the very rural and isolated town of Ogden Marsh.  As if you can't tell by this time this is what Hollywood thinks of middle America, not too bright hicks with the exception of Sheriff David Dutton(Timothy Olyphant) and his wife Judy a Doctor(Radha Mitchell).  The troubles start when the town drunk waltzes onto a high school baseball game with a shotgun in hand and is taken down by Sheriff Dutton.  The town chalks it up to the man being drunk that is until later a seemingly sane farmer burns his house down with his wife and son in it.


 Dutton is then notified that several hunters found a dead pilot in a swamp just at the outskirts of town.  Dutton then takes to boat and comes across a large military aircraft that has crashed into the swamp, and by some form of osmosis or Einstein powers of deduction decides that the craft was carrying something that got into the drinking water of the people of Ogden Marsh.  David pleads his case to the mayor to shut the water down so no more can be infected but of course the mayor will have none of it(think the mayor in Jaws who was determined to keep the beaches open because of the money that will be made, same concept except it will ruin the farming community) and before long more and more people become infected. 


Before David and his wife can leave the city we find out who the true bad guy is in this movie.  Drum roll please....You guessed it.....the military shows up and delcares martial law on the whole town.  Just when you thought you were going to see a somewhat zombie movie you are then forced to watch a portrayal of the men and woman of the armed forces (who in real life are fighting 2 wars oversees and serve honorably) kill and detain civilians in makeshift concentration camps, and blow mothers heads of and burn their bodies with flamethrowers.  Now I like carnage in my movies and horror movies are favorite genre, but for God's sake can Hollywood get some imagination and come up with a different villian besides our military.  It turns out the plane was carrying a biological weapon that was on its way to Texas to be disposed of.  Why dispose of it in Texas you ask?  I don't know is the answer.  The weapon ( like Sheriff Dutton acurately assumes in approximately 5 mins after finding the plane) found its way into the drinking water. 


So Dutton, his wife, Dutton's deputy and another girl break out of the camp and are stranded in the town.  So now once the plot is revealed the rest of the movie is the four of them trying to get out of town and either being chased by the infected or being shot at by the military, and you know its only a matter of time before one or two of them turns out to be infected themselves.


When the escape is finally made we are left with an end that is incredibly ridiculous.  I say ridiculous because if you do see this film keep in mind that the rest of the country is supposedly unaware what is happening in this town. The ending will leave you scratching your head and wondering how is that possible.  Look I love zombie movies, but this movie is not one, you see less zombie destruction in this movie than you do military destruction.  The scares that you do get are predictable, and more of the jump out of your seat shockers with loud shrieking music to go with it.  I didn't like the way the military was portrayed and the story just dragged on for far too long.


 You may like it and if you do then we definately have different tastes in horror movies,  but I like my horror served raw with a side of suspense and a topped off with imagination, something in my opinion this movie does not have.  I say wait for video if you don't want to blow $30 on tickets and popcorn.


3 stars out of 10

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